


like sand time runs out

by drunknpylades



Series: edge of memory [10]
Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Action & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Memory Loss, Repressed Memories, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, but it does get better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 17:52:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14025501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drunknpylades/pseuds/drunknpylades
Summary: This is how it started. This is how it ended. Edge opens that box inside his head and everything he's tried so hard to forget comes rushing out at once and he's not anywhere near ready to deal with the consequences.





	like sand time runs out

**Author's Note:**

> This is it guys. The penultimate chapter of this whole sordid adventure. We are going to go back to Edge's first death here so that's the Major Character Death tag. It does get bloody and it's not happy, but I promise it'll get better eventually. Cayde's not about to let his boy suffer alone.

Memory is such a fickle thing. Sometimes we’re able to remember things from years past and yet struggle to recall what happened earlier that same day. Guardians are another case altogether. Their pasts so far behind them and buried so deep under trauma and darkness that most will never fully recover them. Bits and pieces put together from years of effort and still no full picture. Some are satisfied with this. At peace with never knowing who they were or where they came from. Others will spend their long lives looking for every scrap of themselves they can find. 

 

Edge was happy to be the former. Until now. Until an Exo he’d managed to fall in love with started to recover himself and a family along with those missing pieces. Now everything was jumbled together. A puzzle so close to completion that’s been knocked off the table to scatter across the floor. 

 

Cayde shifts beside him in his sleep and Edge tilts his head, the smallest of smiles curling the corner of his mouth. His elbows rest on his drawn up knees, blankets pooled around his waist as he contemplates the Exo at his side. Everything he’d thought he’d known about himself changed when this particular Hunter waltzed into his life. Edge has never regretted letting him in this close, but he can’t deny that his life has become immeasurably more complicated since then.

 

Pain throbs behind his eyes and Edge is reminded of what woke him. 

 

Ever since the revelation with Cayde and Ace the past has been nipping at his heels. If something good can come from the past coming to call then what if there’s something in his head that could change things. Some missing part that would help him understand better. Help him fit. 

 

Edge turns his head, dropping it into his hands. The breath that leaves him is like a storm. Ragged and drug out of him like a force of nature. 

 

Those memories are grasping at him from the fog of sleep that still hangs over him. The smell of sunflowers in his nose even though he knows he’s never actually seen one in person. Vids and pictures don’t give you that. They can’t give you the smell of something you know you’ve lost. And yet it’s still there, wafting around him like some kind of cloying cloud of memory that threatens to choke him if he inhales too deeply. 

 

At his side Cayde sleeps on.    
  
Edge knows the Exo dreams, but it’s a rare occasion that Cayde actually tells him the contents of those dreams. They’re always played off as not important. Something to be laughed at and swept under the rug like they don’t matter. Edge knows better. He’s watched the other Hunter fall out of bed tangled in the sheets and swinging at shadows. He’s watched the stiffness in Cayde’s shoulders as the Exo rolls away from him and escapes out of the ship’s hatch. He knows because it happens to him too. 

 

Tonight had been one of those nights and yet Edge hadn’t felt the need to flee their bed just yet. And it is  _ their  _ bed at this point. Edge spends more time with Cayde in this bed than he does on his own. If he’s on his own he tends to sleep somewhere else. Being in a real bed does wonders for his body, but his mind is a whole other matter. The comfort and sense of safety he lets himself fall into here makes him vulnerable. Opens him up to the past that comes scratching under his skin. 

 

But maybe it’s safe. Maybe now that he has someone to fall back on, has a better grasp on his own head, maybe now he can reach out without the fear of falling into that endless blackness. 

 

Edge reaches out with one hand and settles it over Cayde’s side. Taking comfort in the solid feel of metal under the thin material of Cayde’s shirt while he takes a deep breath. Inhales the scent still clinging to him and lets himself fall back against the mattress as sleepy memories breach the surface inside him. 

  
  
  
  


_ Sweat crawls down his neck, sending shivers across his skin and he swipes at it. Wiping his hand on the front of his pants with a disgusted curl of his lip. _

 

_ “Tell me this is going to be worth it. I can barely breathe in this heat.” _

 

_ One corner of his mouth tilts up. The words hadn’t come from his mouth but if it had been a few seconds later they very well could have. Heat on Mars is always such a physical thing. Syrupy thickness that you physically have to force your body to move through while it tugs on your extremities and makes even breathing a chore.  _

 

_ “If you can’t breathe I think you would be talking less, Cara.” _

 

_ There’s a fondness to his voice that he’s only recently noticed has started to creep into everything he says to his team. They’re a group of four tasked with scouting terrain and enemy movements. That much time in close quarters and isolation for weeks at a time forces you into a closeness with people that you can’t avoid. He cares for them all in their own way. _

 

_ “Sorry sir, I’ll try to keep the chatter to a minimum, sir.” _

 

_ He waves a hand at her, crossing his legs at the ankle where they’re stretched out in front of him. “You should know better by now. I’m not that much of a stickler for protocol.” He says. That little tick in his lips is still very much in place. “I may be Awoken but I’m married to the most humanizing woman you’ve ever met.” _

 

_ “I can second that.” Jorah says from his spot just to Cara’s left. The human is stretched out on his back, beanie pulled down over his eyes and pulse rifle across his chest. “I’ve actually met Sara and there is no way anyone can be in her presence and not lighten up. Actual ray of sunshine she is.” The French lilt to his words is overplayed on the last sentence and Cara laughs.  _

 

_ “One of these days you’ll have to introduce us then, sir.”  _

 

_ “Not if I can help it,” he replies. “With my luck you’ll get on like a house on fire and she’ll have you spying on me for her every time we’re off planet.” _

 

_ Jorah snorts and sits up, tugging his beanie back away from his eyes. “You say that like I’m not already spying for her.” _

 

_ They all share a laugh at that until the sound of rocks tumbling over each other harolds the arrival of someone near their little cave. True to form they all have their weapons drawn and pointed at the entrance in record time. He feels pride swell behind his ribs even as his eyes never stray from where the light is fading at the cave’s entrance.  _

 

_ “Easy boys, is just me.” _

 

_ A collective sigh runs through their group and he lowers his weapon.  _

 

_ “Elya, you should know better than to approach without comming. Especially this close to nightfall.” He chides.  _

 

_ She looks sheepish under the fringe of her light hair as she bounces on her toes in the cave’s mouth.  _

 

_ “Sorry, Captain. Just got news over the SATlink that had me a little, uh, keyed up.” _

 

_ They all share a dubious look before Jorah makes a grabbing motion with one hand as he crosses his legs and leans forward the smallest bit. He always was the biggest gossip.  _

 

_ “Well then, let’s have it. It’s gotta be good or you wouldn’t look so keen on delivering the message.” _

 

_ Elya’s eyes cut to where he’s still leaning against the back of the cave. There’s a joy in her dark eyes that he can’t remember having seen before. Apprehension builds in his gut until her words actually reach his ears. _

 

_ “Sara is pregnant!” _

  
  
  
  


Cayde wakes to an iron band across his waist. The fact that the pressure alone woke him up says something of the force behind that touch. Edge knows well and good that if the other Hunter needed to wake him up it’s the lighter touches that set him off. 

 

He tries to roll over but the grip around him only tightens.

 

“Alright, Buttercup. I know I’m irresistible but this is a little ridiculous” 

 

There’s no reply and something like dread coils around his chest. Edge is usually a light sleeper. It had been annoying in the early days of their relationship when Cayde was still under the impression that he had to sneak out after they’d been together. Nowadays it’s more endearing  than anything else. Which is why it’s got the beginning tendrils of panic starting to curl up over his shoulders when Edge still doesn’t wake. 

 

“Edgy, darling. Come on, I know I’m more flexible in lalaland but I have to visit the little robot’s room.”

 

Still nothing. Cayde threads his fingers through Edge’s and pries the Awoken’s hand back far enough so that he’s able to sit up. If he had a heart it would have clenched at the sight that greets him. Even without it Cayde feels that awkward almost pain in his chest that usually indicates some kind of strong feeling that he tries to ignore most days.

 

There are tear tracks on Edge’s face, body curled around the space Cayde had been lying in just seconds ago. He looks so small in that moment and Cayde has a worrying urge to wrap him up in something and never let him leave the ship. 

 

“Edge?” His voice comes out soft and small. It sounds wrong even to him and Cayde is almost glad the other Hunter isn’t awake to hear it. “Come on babe, time to wake up.” Cayde keeps hold of Edge’s hand and reaches out with his other to shake his shoulder. 

 

Edge’s whole body heaves like a ship in the middle of a storm but the Awoken remains asleep. Trapped in some kind of dream that Cayde’s now absolutely sure is a nightmare. It’s rare that he’s on this side of things. Usually it’s his own memories plaguing their sleep. Edge has always been the kind of Guardian that ignores his memories, pushes his past as far away from the forefront as he can. This sudden nightmare doesn’t bode well. 

 

“Ghosts, up and at ‘em.” There’s a tone in his voice that he doesn’t want to look at too closely and he’s glad both Ghosts are all business and ready to go because if one more thing goes awry tonight he might just lose it. 

 

Cetus immediately hovers over Edge’s now still form. The little guy’s scanner is up and running without Cayde having to say anything and he’s more grateful than he could put into words that he doesn’t have to try and explain what’s going on. He’s not sure he could. 

 

“His heartrate is elevated and there are acute signs of distress in his muscles, as well as abnormal brain activity.” Cetus reports. “He is asleep and yet his body perceives him as being awake.” There’s a question unasked at the end of the sentence but Cayde’s not going to answer it. Not yet. 

 

“This just a regular nightmare?” Cayde asks. His own Ghost is a light in his peripheral vision that he’s trying to ignore. “Should I wake him up?”

 

Cetus chirps, processors whirring so loudly that Cayde can hear them over the waves crashing in his ears. “I wouldn’t recommend it.” There’s something in the way the Ghost says it that chills Cayde to his core. 

 

“Why not?”

 

Cetus turns completely away from Cayde, busying themselves with scanning other parts of Edge’s body.

 

“Ghost…” There’s a growl to Cayde’s words that he’s never really heard from his own voice before and it’s surprising to learn that that tone is fear. Mixed up with apprehension and anger and impotence at the thought of not being able to help. But fear nonetheless.

 

“Guardian Edge has had problems with his memory in the past.” It’s said so matter of factly. So detached. Cayde feels that dread swim back to the surface. “The last time this happened and Hope-23 woke him he lost days of memory along with a stay in medical.”

 

“Why wasn’t I-?” Cayde cuts himself off. The moment the words leave his mouth he knows the answer. Edge knows his limits when it comes to being in the field. Knows when he needs someone else’s expertise and knows how to ask for help when it’s called for. In any other aspects of the Guardian’s life though he is notoriously bad at asking for help. 

 

If he thinks about it he can remember Edge being in medical for a few days. He remembers being a little confused since the Hunter hadn’t come off a mission or anything like that. It’s not unheard of for Guardians to hurt themselves around the Tower on their down time. They’re a rowdy bunch at the best of times and downright impossible at the worst. 

 

Cayde blames Shaxx. 

 

“Nevermind,” Cayde waves a hand distractedly and turns back to see just how tightly Edge has clenched his jaw, even in sleep. “So we’re just supposed to sit here? Let him wake up on his own?”

 

Cetus spins back to look at him, little optic light dimmer than usual in the gloom of the ship. It makes Edge’s features look even more pained in contrast. 

 

“That is recommended.”

 

Cayde shakes his head, fingers tightening on Edge’s shoulder. He’s never been very good at sitting and doing nothing. It’s why the Vanguard job had been such a challenge at first. Still is, if he’s honest with himself. 

 

“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.” He forces himself to pull away from Edge. Makes himself get out of bed. “Hunter’s don’t do well with the whole sitting still thing. Me least of all. Haven’t you heard? I’m a problem solver.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ “I think it’ll be a girl.”  _

 

_ Just hearing her voice sends warmth bursting through him like tiny sunspots. It’s a feeling he wishes he could bottle and take with him for the days when patrols get that kind of dark that creeps into your blood. Makes everything seem impossibly hopeless.  _

 

_ “How’s that?” _

 

_ He’s is leaned back against his sparrow, legs and arms crossed loosely and hood pulled up over his head to help block out the sun. The rest of the team are scattered over the landscape, scouting from different directions. It’s been a slow couple of days, but the fallen they’re tracking are definitely still around. They just have to find them.  _

 

_ “Call it a woman’s intuition,” Sarah says. There’s laughter clear as day in her voice and he finds himself smiling along with her. “Have you been thinking of any names? Jorah said something about you writing and crossing things out in that little journal of yours in his last data burst.” _

 

_ “The fact that you have one of my team spying on his commanding officer makes me anxious. Are you trying to incite a mutiny?” _

 

_ “Of course!” She laughs out loud this time and that warmth behind his ribs is back. _

 

_ Elya comes over the crest of a high dune, scarf pulled up around her face and the tail snapping behind her in the wind. He raises a hand, attention already going back to the voice in his ear. It had been a lucky bit of happenstance that they’d found enough signal for him to get an actual commlink back to Earth. Especially on a civilian channel.  _

 

_ “You know it’s my life’s work to try and undermine your squad out from under you. If I can run them remotely from here I’ll make you obsolete enough you can just come home and dote on me through this pregnancy.” _

 

_ “Well, you’ve already got Jorah wrapped around your finger.”  _

 

_ Elya raises a hand in greeting as she gets closer when suddenly there’s the sickening reverberation of a line rifle and Elya’s throat explodes in a spray of red.  _

 

_ “Elya!” He drops to his knees, swinging his pulse rifle around from his back and shuffles through the sand toward her.  _

 

_ There’s blood spreading sluggishly across the sand and Sara is a distant tinny voice in his ear. He cuts her feed without another word and switches back to the squad’s comms. _

 

_ “I need everyone back to rally point. Shots fired. Elya’s down.” _

 

_ He knows without having to touch her to know that Elya’s already gone. Yet he drops to his belly anyway, blood soaking into the softer parts of his armor as he reaches to touch his fingers to the undamaged side of her throat.  _

 

_ Nothing. _

 

_ “Jorah checking in, ETA two minutes.” _

 

_ Everything in his brain blanks out except for the need to keep the rest of his squad safe. He rolls to the side, away from what used to be Elya and towards where his sparrow is still humming, hoping for even the slightest bit of cover. _

 

_ A shot hits where he’d been lying. Sand crystallizing around the plasma bolt.  _

 

_ “Cara checking in. I’m too far out, going to check perimeter for where the shots came from. Heading?” _

 

_ “Southwest from my position. Keep your steps light.” _

 

_ Cara goes silent on comms and he chances a look over the top of his sparrow to try and gauge if there’s more than one shooter. Another plasma bolt hits the sparrow dangerously close to his face, sparks and shrapnel exploding across his cheek like fire.  _

 

_ The shot had come from the same direction as the last two and he’s convinced there’s only one enemy.  _

 

_ “Keep your heading Cara, one target.” _

 

_ She doesn’t reply but he knows better than to expect one when she’s hunting.  _

 

_ “Sitrep, sir?” Jorah’s voice is steady and it brings that last bit of calm he’d needed. The human might be one of the most easy going people he’s ever known, but when it’s time to go to work there’s no one more focused.  _

 

_ “I’m good. Found cover and am holding position. Waiting on Cara.” _

 

_ “Coming over the ridge to your three o’clock.” There’s a pause before he continues. “Got you in my sights, sir.” _

 

_ He turns in the indicated direction and gives the man a thumbs up from behind cover.  _

 

_ Elya’s blood is sticky and drying across his front but he can’t think about that right now. He can’t think about how she’d grinned at him, unrepentant and full of so much glee when she’d told him about Sara. Can’t think about how she’d been with their squad for almost two years now. Can’t think about her at all.  _

 

_ There are two more people he’s still responsible for.  _

 

_ Jorah slides down the dune at the edge of his vision and there’s the crack of another rifle shot.  _

 

_ Silence on the comms and he can’t bring himself to look. _

 

_ “Got him, sir.” _

 

_ Relief is a tangible thing as it floods through him. _

 

_ “Cara, I have never been so happy to hear your voice.” He stands from behind his sparrow and salutes in the general direction of Cara’s location.  _

 

_ “Feeling’s mutual, sir.” There’s relief in her voice as well and he nods absently to Jorah as the man approaches him across the sand. “Gonna take a quick look around, make sure there really was only one of these spidery fuckers.” _

 

_ It’s on the tip of his tongue to call her back. Bring them all together just so he knows they’re safe and still in one piece. But he can’t let it get in the way of their mission. Construction on the outpost is scheduled in three days whether they’ve completed their initial scouting or not. It needs to be safe for everyone and not just his men. _

 

_ “Roger that,” he finally manages to push out. “Check ins every thirty minutes. And Cara?” _

 

_ Jorah pushes their shoulders together and he takes strength from it.  _

 

_ “Be careful.” _

  
  
  
  
  
  


Finding something to do with himself had sounded a lot easier than it’s actually turning out to be. Cayde is standing at the main door to Edge’s ship, back pressed against the bulkhead with his arms crossed tightly over his chest.

 

Edge is still curled tightly in the middle of their bed. The Awoken’s body shivers from head to toe every few minutes and Cayde tightens his fists every time it happens. He thought distance would help. That getting away where he couldn’t actually feel his lover tremble against his side would make it easier to handle. Easier to just stand there and watch. 

 

He was wrong. This is even harder. 

 

There’s an itch traveling along his arms and legs, like insects crawling over him, making it very hard to remain still. He wanted to pace, to move, to do  _ something  _ other than stand there and watch someone he cared about suffer. 

 

He could admit it to himself, even if saying it out loud was harder. He cared about Edge. The stubborn, emotionally challenged Awoken had done what no other Guardian had managed to do since Cayde had been brought back that very first time. He’d made Cayde care. 

 

Sure he’d cared about people and causes before, he wasn’t heartless. But with Edge it was different. It was the kind of caring that made it almost impossible to ignore. It was a roaring in his ears when the other Hunter stepped into his line of vision. It was the awful roiling inside him where it shouldn’t have been possible when Edge was hurt or didn’t report in. It was the way he wanted do anything in his power to make sure the idiot would be happy and safe and all those other ridiculously romantic things he’d read about and never thought would pertain to himself. 

 

“This sucks. There’s gotta be something I could be doing right now besides just standing in here watching him freak out.” The agitation in his voice is clear even to his own ears and both Ghosts are floating farther and farther away from him every time he speaks. 

 

Cetus hums and their little wings dip up and down as the Ghost drifts back towards the bed. The little guy has been making lazy, wide circles around the bed since Cayde got up. 

 

“You could always exit the ship. There would be less of a chance of viewing Guardian Edge if you were outside.”

 

Realistically Cayde knows that the Ghost doesn’t mean anything by it. He’s been around Cetus enough to know that Edge’s Ghost in particular tends to view things a bit more clinically that most. It still makes him see red. 

 

“I’m not leaving.”

 

He crosses back over to the bed and drops down hard. 

 

“Alright, Sunshine, here’s the thing; I need you to wake up, ok? You’re scaring the kids and ruining my beauty sleep.”

 

A muscle in Edge’s jaw jumps as the Awoken clenches his teeth. Cayde can hear them grinding together and his insides clench uncomfortably at the thought of just what’s going through his lover’s mind at that moment. 

 

“Baby doll, darling, oh Captain, my-”

 

Edge comes violently awake, one arm wrapped around his own midsection and the other hand reaching out, fingers curled into claws and shaking so hard Cayde thinks he might come apart in front of him. 

 

There’s no sound. 

 

It’s the most unsettling thing Cayde has seen since Ghaul’s defeat. 

 

“Dead,” Edge’s voice is barely a whisper. 

 

Cayde shifts back before catching himself and moving forward again. He reaches out and catches Edge’s still outstretched hand in his own and sets it back on the bed. 

 

“You with me now, babe?”

 

“They’re dead. T-they’re both… they’re all dead.” Edge makes a sound like a wounded animal and curls over his middle, arms around his stomach. “ _ I’m dead. _ ”

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Fucking stealth vandals.  _

 

_ Why give a thing four arms to hold knives in and also give it the ability to become invisible? Damn thing had slipped under his guard, one blade slipping between his ribs, low on the left side. The other had skewered him to the ground through his shoulder.  _

 

_ He is barely able to get a hand cannon shot off, bullet taking half the vandal’s head with it as the creature falls across his legs. The only thing keeping him conscious is that he’d heard Cara scream over the comms.  _

 

_ It’s the last thing he’s heard in at least six minutes. _

 

_ “Captain!” _

 

_ He tips his head to the side and sees Jorah limping towards him across the uneven terrain. Cara is slung over his shoulder but even from here he knows she’s not going to make it much longer. There’s too much blood.  _

 

_ The dead vandal is still holding him down, blade tugging painfully every time he takes a breath. There’s blackness creeping at the edges of his vision like fog trying to swallow him whole. He can’t let it take him. Not yet. Not until he knows his people are alright. _

 

_ “Captain, thank the Traveler you’re still breathing. You are breathing, right?” Jorah is walking oddly, voice wet like there’s blood in his lungs. _

 

_ “Jorah,” Dammit. Why is his own voice so weak? _

 

_ Jorah collapses to his knees and Cara slides lifelessly to the ground beside them.  _

 

_ He makes himself look at her.  _

 

_ “Wasn’t quick enough, sir. She saves my life with the most amazing shot I’ve seen in my fucking life and I wasn’t…” He lists sideways and spits blood into the dirt.  _

 

_ “Jorah…” He reaches out with the arm not run through. “My mission.” Fuck, why does it hurt so much to breathe? “My call.” Had it always been this cold? “My fault.” _

 

_ Jorah presses a hand to his own chest and it draws his attention to the hole in his friend’s armor. Dread curls got in his gut and everything starts to become clear. _

 

_ None of them are getting out of this. _

 

_ “Don’t go blaming yourself too much, Captain. Cara and I have been proud to serve with you and even prouder to call you a friend.” Jorah takes another gasping breath and sinks down to lie on his back between him and Cara’s body that he’s finally pulled his eyes away from. _

 

_ His reaching hand is caught in a shaking one and he squeezes Jorah’s fingers. _

 

_ “Sarah tell you the name yet?” _

 

_ Even in the midst of all the blood and misery and painpainpain he manages a smile. Sara’s last communication had been a doozy. She’d gone into labor early and the doctors had had to rush to make sure both her and his daughter came out the other side healthy and whole.  _

 

_ The thought of them now breaks his heart.  _

 

_ He never got to see her. _

 

_ “Stella.” _

 

_ The grip on his hand starts to loosen and he holds tighter.  _

 

_ “Lady in the stars, huh?” Jorah’s voice is barely there. A whisper drifting away on the wind. “Sounds perfect.” _

 

_ That bottomless pit opens up inside him and he’s never felt more alone. Jorah’s grip goes slack and he feels tears burn in his eyes.  _

 

_ It had almost been inevitable that they would die on some Traveler forsaken planet trying to clean up someone else’s mess. But he hadn’t planned on going like this. Not so soon. _

 

_ At least the pain is gone now. _

 

_ What he wouldn’t give for a chance to try again. _

  
  
  
  
  
  


For the briefest of moments Edge can remember  _ everything. _ His life before and the one he has now. His squad, his fireteam, Cayde,  _ Sarah. _ And it hurts. Nothing has ever hurt as much as the knowledge of what he lost.

 

“Stella.” His daughter. A little girl he never got to hold or even see. Never got to hear her cry or laugh. 

 

That spot inside him where it’s always felt empty suddenly fills with a child shaped puzzle piece and Edge loathes it. Why can he remember now if all times? Why now when there’s not a damn thing he can do about it?

 

Cold metal touches his forehead, forcing him to look up, to uncurl and face the present like the Guardian he is. Not like the coward he wishes he could be. 

 

Edge closes his eyes and tips his head up. There are tears drying on his face and he takes the moment to mentally slam shut every open door in his head.

 

Elya’s accent is the first thing that disappears. The way she’d sounded when she was tired and uncaring of whether or not the rest of the squad could understand her.

 

“Edge, you back with me?”

 

Next is the feel of Cara’s eyes. No matter where she was he’d known that she watching from somewhere. Covering him in any situation to the point that he could pinpoint where she was during an opp. That sense of security was nowhere to be found now.

 

“Open your eyes and look at me, sweetheart.”

 

Then it’s Jorah’s hands. His second in command had always been a tactile man and was free with a hand on the shoulder, the small of the back, on a knee when they’d all sat huddled together in the early days when they’d still been getting used to being a group. 

 

“Edge, c’mon look at me. Ghost!”

 

Sara is the last thing to get shut away. Her eyes, her smile, her voice, the way she’d always smelled like sunflowers even though they hadn’t seen one in years. The way her hair felt through his fingers or the way she fit so perfectly against him. It’s all gone. 

 

Edge opens his eyes and is nose to nose with Cayde. The Exo’s eyes bright in the low light of the ship. 

 

There’s not even an inkling of memory brought about by the brightness of the blue shining back at him.

 

“Cayde.” His throat is dry and raw. As if he’d spent his time asleep screaming. “What’s wrong?”

 

For a long moment there is absolute stillness in the ship. The kind that comes with a silence so heavy you can feel it on your skin. Edge blinks and something cold starts to take shape in his guts.

 

Cayde seems to come to a decision in that silence and suddenly he leans forward and pulls Edge in tight. One arm around his neck to haul him in ad the other on his hip. He’s never felt safer.

 

“Nothing’s wrong, honeybun. You were just having a dream.”

 

It’s a lie. The second the words come out of the Exo’s mouth Edge knows they’re a lie.

 

But he’s too tired to argue. Too warm and safe and exhausted to worry about it right then.

 

“Oh, sorry if I woke you up.” Unconsciousness is starting to pull at him again. Fatigue dragging him down and making his eyelids heavy. 

 

Cayde’s hand on his hip is rubbing soothing circles into the skin just above his sleep pants and Edge loses the battle to stay awake.

 

He misses the look Cayde gives him once he’s out. Full of worry and confusion and something damningly close to fear. Exo are capable of so much more emotion than people give them credit for if you know how to look. Edge knows how to look but his brain needs time to rest. To recover. 

 

Cayde waves off their Ghosts and stretches himself out along Edge’s side, an arm thrown over the Awoken’s waist. 

 

He doesn’t get a second of sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for sticking it out guys! Also, this is still unbetaed so all mistakes are my own and if you see anything let me know. The boys will be back and hopefully getting their heads on straight soon.


End file.
